Death Knight, the talkshow
by Obsessiveangel
Summary: Mello, Zero and their BOSS welcomes you to the hidden world of DN and VK. disclaimer: i dont own these two animes! R&R please. total retardness... first humor xover fic!
1. How it all began

**PRLOLGUE PART 1**

Well, hey there? Ever heard of me? My name's Zero Kiryu… It's a pleasure to meet you. … You saw through that, huh? Well, I'm usually an isolated person after all… Now, tell me, why are you here? Oh? You want me to be the host for your interview tv show… Erm… Well, what's the catch? Ramen? Sure thing, boss.

**PROLOGUE PART 2**

OI. Get out of my sight, you. Look, don't make me turn this gun on you! What? Whaddya want? Can't you let a man enjoy his chocolate in peace? Excuse me… I AM A MAN. W-WHADDYA MEAN I LOOK LIKE A GIRL? I'M A FUCKING MALE AND I CAN READ M18 STUFF KAY? Hey! What's that supposed to mean? "For a Mello, you're not really mellow…" Bitch, just fuck off… Ok fine. So why do you want to see me? I'm not special or anything like that big-headed twit, Near. I'm just second. Oh yay, wohoo. What's that? Interview? For a tv show? Why the hell would I accept such an offer? WAIT. A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF CHOCOLATE? Ok! Deal. –shakes on it-

**PROLOGUE PART 3**

Welcome everyone. I am the BOSS. My true identity? Kekeke~ Nah~ R&R The whole story first, my fellow fanfic writers. In the last chapter the two interviewers will reveal the true identity of the BOSS… HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH STAY TUNED FOR MORE DEATH NIGHT, THE VAMPIRE KNIGHT-DEATH NOTE TALK SHOW! MWAHAHAHAH.


	2. Ladies Special

**DISCLAIMER BY BOSS:**_OBSESSIVEANGEL DOES NOT OWN THESE TWO ANIMES OR ELSE THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE AWESOME AND YOU WOULD DIED CAUSE THEY ROCKED TOO MUCH!_

EPISODE 1: Yuki Cross and… SAYU YAGAMI?

_Mello and Zero walks out of their respective rooms._

ZERO: Oh so you're my co-host… How old are you? You look like a 15 year old.

MELLO: CO-HOST? 15? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?

ZERO: I'm sorry if I insulted you, young lady.

MELLO: LADY? (_spits out his chocolate and chokes) _I AM A 19 YEAR OLD MALE! AND SINCE WHEN DID I BECOME A CO-HOST?

ZERO: You…A guy? Okay… Right. I'll try to remember that. What's your name again?

MELLO: Mihael Keehl… You can call me Mello.

ZERO: For a Mello, you really aren't that mellow…

_Mello pulls out his gun and points it at Zero. Zero, expecting this, pulls out his Bloody Rose. _

MELLO: THAT'S TO KILL VAMPIRES! / ZERO: That's not an anti-vampire gun…

MELLO & ZERO: THAT WON'T HURT ME!

_Random screen appears out of nowhere with the word "BOSS" on it. _

BOSS: Maybe you can switch guns?

ZERO: (_while hugging Bloody Rose dearly with puppy dog eyes_) NOOOO!

MELLO: Oi, BOSS! WHY THE FUCK AM I THE CO-HOST?

BOSS: Cause that was on your contract… You just didn't read it!

MELLO: (_while crouching in emo corner like Tamaki Suoh from OHSHC_) Second again…

ZERO: Right. (_drags Mello from the collar_) Okay it's time for the show!

_Epic music plays and all the cameras point to the two *cough* 'GENTLEMEN'… Okay, fine. All the camera points to the pair of ruthless killers, the vampire hunter and the mafia boss… That's more I like it. Zero has his usual poker face and Mello's still scowling after realizing he's the co-host. The audience cheer._

ZERO: Welcome, to Death Knight, the Talk! I am your host, Zero Kiryu, and this is my co-host, Miha-

MELLO: It's Mello.

ZERO: Mello… Just if you're wondering, he is a male. (_flashes a cuta and irresistible grin and fangirls faint_)

MELLO: Urgh… Today's special guests and Yuki Kuran-

ZERO: Cross.

MELLO: Huh?

ZERO: Today's special guests are Yuki CROSS and…

MELLO: But that's not part of the script. Hell, whatever. Yuki Cross and Sayu Yagami. HUH? SAYU?

ZERO: Is she your girlfriend?

MELLO: (_narrows eyes_) I could ask you the same thing about Yuki. Anyway, no, Sayu's not my girlfriend.

ZERO: Thought so… Any girl who's dating you could be mistaken for a lesbian. Anyway, Yuki? If she wasn't with Kuran then I guess so.

MELLO: Alright then. HEY! Yuki and Yagami, get out here.

_Yuki and Sayu walk out accompanied by many wolf whistles from the audience._

ZERO: We're glad you could make it for the show. Welcome, as you know, I am Zero Kiryu and this is Me-

MELLO: (_with a boyish charm_) HI. MY NAME IS MIHAEL KEEHL! (_smiles innocently at Sayu_)

ZERO: Err… But I thought you wanted us to call you-

MELLO: MIHAEL… KEEHL… (_glares at Zero with hostile eyes yet maintaining his dashing smile_)

YUKI: It's nice to meet you, Keehl-kun! (_Zero looks at her_) What do you want, Zero? Must I greet you too? (_Zero nods_) HI ZERO.

SAYU: So Keehl-Kun, why haven't I seen you before? Aren't we both from Death Note?

MELLO: Erm… I guess it's because I am… Number 2?

Yuki: OH I KNOW YOU! I've watched Death Note a before. I remember you! You're Mello… You know Sayu, your kidnapper! (_beams without realizing what she has done_)

MELLO: (_sweatdrops_) Heheh…

SAYU: (_eye twitch_) …

ZERO: WHAT ABOUT A COMMERCIAL? WE'LL SEE YA SOON! (_signs off with an epic grin while holding out two fingers in a peace sign_)

-intermission-

_Epic music plays again and the cameras zoom in to the three people on stage. Yes. THREE. _

ZERO: Welcome back to, Death Knight, the Talk! We once again introduce ourselves. This two ladies here are Yuki CROSS and Sayu Yagami, our special guests. I am, your host, Zero Kiryu and here's my co-host… Hey, where's Mello?

SAYU: At the supermarket.

YUKI: What's he doing there? Can I ask him to get me some ice-cream?

SAYU: I threw away his chocolate as revenge for him kidnapping me.

ZERO: Oh. Okay, so Sayu, first question, how's it like being the sister of Kira?

SAYU: Pardon?

MELLO: Light Yagami, your brother, is Kira. (_walks in eating a bar of chocolate_)

SAYU: And I'm supposed to believe you? My kidnapper, who is telling me that my brother, the head of the NPA and a role model citizen, is a psychopath mass killer shit?

MELLO: Yepp. That was mean of Matsuda to hide that from you. (_Takes a seat on the couch, next to Zero and opposite of Sayu_)

YUKI: Well, yeah. That's the truth. AND HE GOT KILLED BY A SHINIGAMI.

MELLO: I'm assuming the Shinigami wasn't that useless Shido that I got.

ZERO: That doesn't matter. You can ask Light that one day. Anyway, Sayu?

SAYU: Well, I guess I should be glad. After all, that would mean that I have no chance of getting killed by Kira since he is my brother. At the same time, it's insulting that he's living a double life as a killer. What an insult to the name Yagami! And all those people he killed just because they got in his way. L, Watari, the FBI agents, the Director of the NPA-

MELLO: Me.

SAYU: Errr… No.

MELLO: But at least, Matt!

SAYU: Was he involved in the kidnapping? (_Mello shakes his head_) Well, then. Matt too!

YUKI: Awww… Sayu, don't be so mean. Give Mello some credit!

ZERO: Well, he did help out in the case a lot…

SAYU: And he killed my dad.

MELLO: Who was trying to kill me. (_stands up and yells to the world_) I ACTED IN SELF DEFENSE!

_BOSS' screen appears and plays the confrontation scene between Soichiro and Mello in Death Note. _

_MELLO ON SCREEN: Yagami, for what it's worth' I give you my word that I never wanted to kill you. _

_-scene jump to Mello's death and jumps again to Near's confrontation with Light Yagami- _

_LINDER: Mello probably knew what was going to happen all along…_

_-scene shows Mello talking to Linder on the phone and back to Near-_

_The screen continues to show the rest of Near's speech before disappearing._

_Yuki and Sayu get teary-eyed. Zero yawns._

SAYU: THAT. WAS. SO. TOUCHING. You sacrificed yourself, Mello-kun!

YUKI: Keehl-kun! That was so sweet of you! YOU SACRIFICED YOUR LIFE AND SAVED THE WORLD!

MELLO: … (_sits down with mouth agape like a total idiot_)

ZERO: Looks like Mello's got a new pair of fangirls. Anyway, Sayu, how does it feel like to be a hostage just because of a notebook?

SAYU: Pretty cool actually…

ZERO: (_spits out the cocktail he was sipping_) Excuse me?

SAYU: It was a killer notebook after all! AND MELLO-KUN WAS MY KIDNAPPER!

MELLO: Dafuq?

YUKI: OMG! IT'S HAPPENING FOR REAL!

ZERO: What is, baka?

YUKI: MELLOXSAYU! FOR REAL! AHHHHH~ (_Pulls out her iPhone and goes to to show some cool MelloxSayu fanfics to the three_)

MELLO: Woah.

SAYU: YAY! Mello and I had a son! (_apparently she was reading one of the fanfics from Yuki's phone_) Aww… He died and ditched me.

ZERO: (_points on another story_) Hey, check this one out…

MELLO: OKAY TIME FOR ANOTHER BREAK! (_signs off with chocolate in his mouth as he smirks sexily_)

-intermission-

_Epic music plays again and the cameras zoom in to the four people on stage. _

ZERO: Okay, so apparently, during this interval, Mello and Sayu somehow got hooked up. So anyway, now we shall interview Yuki CROSS.

MELLO: Why do you always emphasize on Cross?

YUKI: Cause he doesn't like Kuran at all, Keehl-kun.

MELLO: Right. Well, so what's it like living and getting engaged to your brother? Isn't it… Disgusting? I mean, after all Kaname Kuran does suck… Wait a minute… Hey Zero, did you add this in? I don't remember this when I went through the script just now.

ZERO: (_shrugs_) I'm awesome. Anyway, what's on the script has to be answered.

YUKI: Baka Zero! Anyway, Keehl-kun, since you do look kind of curious, I did find it disgusting and all at first but that's what we purebloods do. We intermarry. But oh well, I can't expect a BLOODTHIRSTY, EX HUMAN VAMPIRE AND VAMPIRE HUNTER LIKEWISE to understand, can I?

ZERO: Yepp. That has basically been my point all along.

YUKI: What? Right, whatever. You're just jealous.

ZERO: Well, duh. Took you long enough to find that out, baka.

SAYU: Awww! You two are so cute.

MELLO: Anyway, what were your feelings when Zero kissed you?

YUKI: Confused. Well, I never knew he felt that way.

ZERO: You are dumb after all.

YUKI: WHAT?

ZERO: You should have figured that out when I rejected Kaien as my dad!

MELLO: Okok we get it. So yeah. Now we'll show you tributes to these two characters!

_BOSS' screen appears and shows random pictures of both of them with the song The World Is Mine by Hatsune Miku in the background._

ZERO: Well, that's all folks!

MELLO: We have come to the end of episode 1. Next week, we have Kaname Kuran and Nate Rivers as special guests! (_Zero and Mello makes disgusted faces_)

ZERO: With that, this is Zero Kiryu,

MELLO: And Mihael Keehl,

ZERO & MELLO: Signing off.

_The two teens end of with their signature back-to back pose with their guns in their hands while smiling deviously to the audience._

BOSS: Andddddd… CUT!


	3. Rivals Special

**DISCLAIMER BY ZERO:**_OBSESSIVEANGEL DOES NOT OWN THESE TWO ANIMES OR ELSE I WOULDN'T BE SUFFERING SO MUCHHHH~ _

EPISODE 3: Kaname-Shit and Near-Twit…

MELLO: I'm not looking forward to this episode.

ZERO: Do I look like I am.

MELLO: _[observes Zero closely]_ Actually you look just like how you usually are. Expressionless, like a robot!

ZERO: Shuddup Mihael.

MELLO: Mello...

_A screen randomly appears with the words BOSS on it _

BOSS: HI THERE MY LOVELY TWO HEROES. ARE YOU TWO READY?

MELLO: No.

ZERO: Can we skip this episode?

BOSS: Awww... This was supposed to be a big hit. The big heroes from the two anime, Near and Kaname, being interviewed by their number twos who hate them to the core... Beautiful. BEAUTIFULLLL~

_Mello and Zero eye twitch _

BOSS: _[unaware that the two are pissed] _THIS WILL BRING THE SHOW'S RATINGS THE HIGHEST IT HAD EVER BEEN!

MELLO: Whatever.

_Epic music play and... Yeah you know, the usual stuff_

ZERO: Welcome to Death Knight, the Talk! I am Zero Kiryu, your host and this is Mello, my co-host.

MELLO: Today's episode is the rival's special.

ZERO: You guessed it! Let's welcome, Kaname Kuran and Nate River aka Near.

_Kaname and Near stroll out and take their seat _

ZERO: Welcome... Kuran-senpai and River-kun.

NEAR: Please call me Near. I am not used to these Japanese formalities.

KANAME: Shouldn't you be calling me Kaname-sa-

ZERO: No.

KANAME: Sama, like all other vampires?

ZERO: I said no.

KANAME: Fair enough.

NEAR: Greetings, Mello.

MELLO: Ok.

NEAR: You know, you could be-

MELLO: I won't ever be nice to you, Near.

NEAR: Right.

ZERO: Anyway, hello, Near. I'm Zero Kiryu. It's my pleasure to meet you.

NEAR: Hi. I'm pleased to meet you too. This is my first time here on a tv show. I'm really nervous.

ZERO: Don't be. We aim to treat all out guests with hospitality.

NEAR: What a weird thing to say, having Mello as your co-host.

MELLO: Hey! I can be nice!

ZERO: Why don't you try saying hi to Kuran over there?

MELLO: Fine. Hi, Kaname. Nice to meet you! I'm Mello. [_Smiles like a good boy]_

NEAR: My eyes hurt.

KANAME: _[chuckles slightly]_ Well, hello there. I'm honored to meet you.

ZERO: ... Okay. This is getting TOO formal. Well, we'll go for a break now. _[signs off with bored expression]_

_Epic music… ahhhh. You know what I mean. The camera zooms into the two orphans… Ok that was mean. The two successors to L on stage. _

MELLO: Welcome back to Death Knight, the Talk! I apologize that Zero isn't here. Kaname and him are having a little… 'Talk' outside and I have no intention of interviewing this albino freak here without him.

NEAR: Well, you are the co-host after all. You're supposed to assist Zero…

MELLO: Shut up Near.

NEAR: Suit yourself. _[plays with his little toy robot]_

_Zero is thrown into the room and Kaname enters, baring his fangs. Zero draws Bloody Rose and points it at Kaname. _

MELLO: Now, now. Remember, we aim to treat our guests with hospitality, Zero. _[crosses his legs coolly and takes abite of chocolate, smirking] _

ZERO: And that's coming from you… _[adjusts his clothes and regains composure. Walks to his seat with Kaname behind him]_

MELLO: Okay. On with the show!

ZERO: Well, okay. So Near, how does it feel to be the number 1 in Whammy's house?

NEAR: Well, I guess I'm supposed to be enjoying myself but…

ZERO: Supposed to be?

NEAR: It's not that fun when your rival is overly obsessed with beating you that he doesn't really live his life to the fullest. Someone should knock that into his big blonde head one day.

ZERO: Ahhhh… I'll remember to do that one day.

MELLO: And what the fuck is that supposed to mean, Near? I can live my life while still trying to beat you.

NEAR: Says the guy who's supposed to be second-in-line to heir L's name but ended up becoming a wanted murderer and kidnapper. Are you sure you're living your life the way you wanted to?

MELLO: I joined the mafia for a reason, Near. No it was not that I liked it or anything, they just disgust me but I was basically using them. Rodd was too dumb to see that. _[leans back and laughs evilly] _

RODD (FROM THE AUDIENCE): I HEARD YOU MELLO! YOU WILL PAYYYYY~

MELLO: Oh yay. I'm scared.

NEAR: Bet you were scared when Kiyomi tried to kill you…

MELLO: Was not. It was my plan after all.

NEAR: What kind of dumb idiot would plan something that eventually kills him?

MELLO: It's called sacrifice, you dimwit.

NEAR: Not to mention, you died as my tool since your death led to the discovery that there was a fake notebook.

_Mello scowls and reaches for his gun but Zero stops him._

ZERO: _[grinning] _Hospitality. Anyway, this isn't a chit-chat session. Near, tell us your feelings about the whole Kira case.

NEAR: Well, it was fun. You get to see Shinigamis and murder notebooks, not something you see everyday. It's really, interesting. Kira, too, was smart. I guess he was the only one capable of outsmarting L and I.

MELLO: HEY! I OUTSMARTED BOTH OF YOU! DURING THE KIDNAP CASE!

NEAR: No. We were too stressed over the kidnap of the deputy director's daughter, we weren't able to analyze your plan. Moreover, the time we had was limited.  
ZERO: Hahaha… I see. You all must have had… Enjoyed yourselves a lot.

NEAR: Yes. Though many people died, I think it was worth it as we sacrificed around 10 for the lives of over a million.

MELLO: Hmph.

NEAR: Mello, you could have really tried to be less careless. Now look at you. You appeared in the story for 9 episodes, kidnap 3 people and died. What an achievement indeed…

_Mello jumps on Near and pulls out his gun to point it at Near._

KANAME: Kiryu-kun, don't you think you should take a break now.

ZERO: Yepp. Okay folks, we'll be back. _[ends of with peace pose]_

-intermission-

_The music… and camera… blahblahblah_

ZERO: Welcome back to DKTT!

MELLO: We shall move on to interview Kaname Kuran now. Hello, Kaname, if I'm not wrong, you're a pureblood, aren't you? That means you have entirely vampire blood in you and not humans, right? Can you tell us more about this whole system?

KANAME: Basically, there are five levels. Level As are the pureblood. Your description was correct, Mello-kun. Level Bs are aristocrats. They are basically also born as vampires but they have some human blood in them. Level C, D and E are all ex-human vampires. Level Cs are those who have stabilized through drinking their Master's blood, Level D, like you dear friend there, aren't stabilized and Es are the insane ones which need to be killed.

MELLO: Interesting. Okay, more on your personal life. Can you-

ZERO: Tell us when you're gonna let Zero kill you?

KANAME: If you do kill me, Yuki will hate you. I am also pretty sure that I'll end up killing you in the fight.

ZERO: And then, Yuki will hate you.

NEAR: So just don't kill each other.

MELLO: Hmm… I sense some tension in the air… THE BATTLE FOR YUKI KU-

ZERO: _[points Bloody Rose at Mello] _CROSS

MELLO: _[forgetting that Bloody Rose was a anti-vampire gun that won't hurt him]_ I was going to say… Kurosu?

KANAME: Put that down, Kiryu-kun. It's not like it'd hurt Mello-kun anyway.

ZERO: Oh, right. I forgot that Mels' a human.

MELLO: … Anyway, so Kaname, tell us, do you hate Zero?

KANAME: Which vampire doesn't?

ZERO: Yuki.

KANAME: _[ignores Zero]_ Zero is most renowned vampire-cum-vampire hunter around. He's also fulfilled the curse of the hunter twins, making him almost undefeatable. Even if we don't hate him, we fear him. I have every reason to hate him though. His such a baka. Level Es… _[shakes head disapprovingly] _

_Zero jumps on Kaname like Mello did to Near just now._

MELLO: That concludes today's episode!

ZERO: This is Zero Kiryu,

MELLO: And Mihael Keehl

ZERO & MELLO: SIGNING OFF!

_Mello does a sexy pose with his tongue out and Zero's still trying to murder Kaname. Credits appear and BOSS is heard in the background._

BOSS: NEXT WEEK, THE COMEDIANS SPECIAL, STARRING MATSUDA TOUTA AND AIDOU HANABUSA. UNTIL THEN, GOOD NIGHT AND MAY THE DEADLY FORCE OF THE KNIGHT BE WITH YOU. MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!


	4. Comedians' Special

**DISCLAIMER BY MELLO: **To be honest, if Obsessiveangel owns these two anime, I'd not only be number one but I'd have a whole chocolate land to myself, just so you know.

**ZERO: **Hey there. I heard that last week's episode had really good ratings you know…

**MELLO:** SO? I don't see the point of making us interview those two idiots at the same time. Wouldn't it be better to like, leave them out?

**ZERO: **_(imitates the BOSS) _IT'S ALL ABOUT THE RATINGS~

_(BOSS' screen appears with the words BOSS on it as usual)_

**MELLO: **…

**BOSS: **I'm glad that Zero understands! Mello, I hope that soon you will realize that there is nothing… NOTHING… More important than the ratings.

**ZERO: **_(sweatdrops)_ Errr… Okayyy… Let's go Mels.

_(usual opening credits)_

**ZERO: **Good evening my dear viewers. Welcome to Death Knight, The Talk! I am your host, Zero Kiryu, and this is my co-host, Mello.

**MELLO:** Well, yeah. Okay, so today, we'd be having Touta Matsuda and Aido Hanabusa as our special guests… So let's welcome the 'comedians' of the show.

_(Matsuda and Aido comes up, waving… Okay, I'm sure you guys know what Aido would be up to…)_

**ZERO: **Matsuda-san, Aido-sempai, it's a pleasure to have you two here.

**AIDO: **Hello Kiryu…

**MATSUDA:** HELLO!

**MELLO: **Matsuda, are you always this retarded? I'm glad I never came face to face with you. I pity L, though.

**MATSUDA: **Shut up, you murderer! You killed the chief!

**MELLO:** I am sooo not going to go through this all again. Urgh.

**MATSUDA: **But-

**ZERO: **Now, now… Let's not quarrel…

**AIDO: **Oh wowie! Look who's talking!

**ZERO: **Aido-sempai, just shut the fuck up please.

**MELLO: **Zero, there are kids watching the show.

**ZERO: **Don't you cuss for half the time you're here anyway?

**MELLO: **Well, fuck you. I do not… Oh wait.

**ZERO: **_(sighs) _Okay then. Matsuda-san, can you tell us more about Light Yagami, your opinions about him for example?

**MATSUDA:** Light-kun was awesome! I still refuse to believe that he is Kira!

**MELLO:** Didn't he admit?

**MATSUDA: **I bet that Kira was controlling him! I mean, Kira is God and God can do anything!

**MELLO: **Kira. Is. Not. God. Kira is nothing like God at all. God forgives sinners and guide them to the right path, unless they can't be bothered to listen to Him, then He punishes them. Plus, God does not go around murdering people like L, Watari and Naomi.

**ZERO: **Woah.

**MATSUDA:** I don't care what a psychopath like you say! Light-kun is not Kira.

**MELLO: **… K.

**ZERO: **Okay, Matsuda, can you tell us more about your opinions on Near?

**MATSUDA:** Coward.

**ZERO:** … Erm… L?

**MATSUDA:** Another coward.

**ZERO: **Matt?

**MATSUDA: **Ugly idiot with no fashion sense.

**ZERO: **Mello?

**MATSUDA: **Dumb blond.

**MELLO:** YOU JUST FUCKING INSULTED THE WAMMY BOYS! Okay… 1) Near is not a coward, like you. 2) L IS NOT A COWARD TOO! WHY DON'T YOU TRY TAKING ON HIS ROLE? Oh wait, I'm sorry. You're too dumb. 3) Do you even know Matt? For your information, he looks better than you. He has a larger fan base too. 4) … Are you calling me a dumb blond? I'm blond all right but shall we have an IQ test and see who comes out higher? Matsuda, you are in no position to insult the Wammy boys.

**ZERO: **Okay. I think we'll take a break. I'm afraid Mello's just going to blow out of anger. Heh. Toodles! _(Waves at the audience and winks)_

_-intermission-_

_(Show starts with the usual stuff) _

**MELLO:** Welcome back, folks.

**ZERO: **I'm Zero and he's Mello. Welcome back to the comedians' special! Now, we shall interview my sempai, Aido Hanabusa.

**MELLO: **So Aido, can you tell us more about your girlfriends?

**AIDO:** Heh… I never had any… Liked an ex-human once but I ended up killing her.

**MELLO:** Oh I see… Must have been hard for you.

**ZERO:** Was that the incident, which led to the appointment of Guardians in the school?

**AIDO:** I think so. It's kind of sad. Fuka was a nice girl. She was only 16 when she died.

**MELLO: **Ouch… I was 20 when I died. Heh. Anyway, your father. He was killed right in front of your eyes. Did that make you hate Kaname?

**AIDO:** No… I am loyal to Kaname after all but I had to protect Yuki. After that incident, I pledged my loyalty to Yuki so I went against Kaname.

**MELLO:** Okay. This isn't really part of the script but… Out of my own curiosity, what do you think will be an ideal result for the love triangle in Vampire Knight?

**AIDO:** Well, to choose either Zero or Kaname is tough… They both love Yuki, she loves them… But it would be cool if Zero and Kaname gave up on Yuki and go gay for each other. _(Zero smacks Aido's head while Mello starts rolling on the floor in laughter. Matsuda has no idea what's going on and sat there like a total jerk)_

**AIDO: **Owwwwww! Oi Kiryu!

**ZERO: **THAT. IS. ALL. FOR. THIS. EPISODE.

**MELLO:** Stay tuned for some random Aido and Matsu moments that will make you laugh! See you next week for the Justin Bieber special where we interview Light Yagami, I mean, Light IMAGAY, and Takuma Ichijo, who both have hair like Biebs!

**ZERO:** I'm Zero Kiryu-

**MELLO:** And I'm Mihael Keehl-

**ZERO & MELLO: **Sighning off!

_(Mello poses with chocolate hanging from his mouth)_


	5. Justin Bieber Special

**DISCLAIMER BY BOSS**: The only character obsessiveangel owns is me… Well, okay maybe not… Since my identity is still… Unknown…

**ZERO**: Hey Mels… Gone through the script yet?

**MELLO**: Yeah… But you know, this is the most retarded episode we're doing. I mean the _JUSTIN BIEBER _special?

**ZERO**: _(reads through Light's and Takuma's profile)_ Aside from the fact that they have the same hairstyle, they are not alike in any other way!

**MELLO**: Didn't Bieber like change his hairstyle or something..?

**ZERO**: Beats me.

_BOSS' screen appears._

**BOSS**: Why are the two of you still here? Hurry to broadcast!

**MELLO**: No way in hell! This is like freaking retarded… AND YOU EXPECT ME TO GO UP TO IMAGAY AND INTERVIEW HIM WITHOUT KILLING HIM? ARE YOU LIKE FUCKED UP IN YOUR HEAD OR SOMETHING?! HE KILLED ME!

**BOSS**: HE DIDN'T KILL YOU! Zero, help me out here, would you?

**ZERO**: No.

**BOSS**: Just… Go… I'll double your pay for this episode…

**MELLO & ZERO**: Okie. Deal.

_The cameras turn to the two MCs onstage as Justin Bieber's Baby was playing._

**MELLO**: We deeply apologize for the song… And it's damn freaking old omg.

**ZERO**: Yeah… Anyway, hello everybody! Welcome to Death Knight, The Talk! I'm your host, Zero and this is Mello!

**MELLO**: And today, we're having the Justin Bieber special! Yes, you heard that right… JUSTIN… BIEBER…

**ZERO**: Woah, before you fangirls get all hyped up and ready to jump out, I should like totally ruin your mood and tell you that Bieber ain't coming.

**MELLO**: In fact, we just have two wannabes who actually copied his OLD hairstyle… So let's put our hands together to welcome Takuma Ichijo and Light Imagay, I mean Yagami…

_Light and Takuma walk in and girls go crazy at the sight of Light_

**ZERO**: Ichijo-sempai, Yagami-san, thank you for coming.

**LIGHT**: Yeah well, thanks for inviting…

**TAKUMA**: Kiryu-kun~ It's a pleasure to be on this show.

**ZERO**: So did the two of you managed to talk and find anything similar between you two because Mello and I were seriously looking through your profiles and besides your hairstyles, no similarity.

**TAKUMA**: Yagami-kun doesn't even know who Kaname is!

**LIGHT**: Coming from the person who doesn't know that Kira existed.

**TAKUMA**: Nope, no similarity.

**LIGHT**: I shouldn't even be here.. My hair is brown.

**ZERO**: And..?

**LIGHT**: Justin Bieber has blonde hair.

**TAKUMA**: No he doesn't…

**ZERO**: Yeah exactly. Anyway… The hairstyle's still the same… Your argument is invalid.

**LIGHT**: Urgh…

**ZERO**: Okay let's start with the questions…

_Silence…_

**ZERO**: Erm… Questions?

_Silence… _

**ZERO**: MELLO! Can you stop texting your stupid girlfriend in the middle of broadcast, you dumb blonde.

**MELLO**: It's her birthday today!

**LIGHT**: It's my sister's birthday today too…

**ZERO**: Well yeah duh. Your sister is his girlfriend.

**LIGHT**: WHAT?!

**MELLO**: Didn't you watch our first episode? We made our revelation then…

**LIGHT**: Sayu told me not to watch it…

**TAKUMA**: You're kinda dumb…

**LIGHT**: Shut up before I write your name in the Death Note!

**MELLO**: The usage of the Death Note is prohibited in this station.

**LIGHT**: Shut up, I can kill you again you know.

**MELLO**: Didn't Near destroy the Death Note?

**ZERO**: Okay, enough idle chatter. Now, let's move on to the actual interview… Nah… Actually, I rather take a break. See you all~ _(Poses randomly)_

_Cameras… And Beauty and A Beat was playing. Mello was still texting and Zero was going to puke due to the song. _

**ZERO **Welcome back! This is Death Knight, The Talk!

**MELLO** … _(Continues texting)_

**ZERO** Mels! _(nudges Mello)_ No texting!

**MELLO** Urgh! I'm Mello and this is Zero! Welcome back to the Bieber hairstyle special!

**ZERO** Okay, Yagami-san, you are Kira, right?

**LIGHT** I'm the second L also.

**ZERO** So what was it like, being able to… Control. Yeah, control the world for those six years? Was it six years?

**MELLO** Yeah I think so. Wait lemme think… I left Wammy, joined the mafia… Hmm… Yeah six years.

**LIGHT** It was good. I felt like it was only then that there was actually justice in the world.

**ZERO** So you're saying that all criminals, no matter how small their crime is, deserve to die.

**LIGHT** Kiryu-kun, the way you put it really makes me sound so bad but yes, they do. I will only be satisfied when the world is freed from criminals once and for all.

**MELLO** If that's the case, people like your father will end up jobless since there are no need for policemen… You too since you work in the police force.

**ZERO** True. Police, detectives, forensic investigators, etc won't have any jobs.

**LIGHT** They can find other jobs.

**ZERO** Okay… Now, your opinions on L, Near, Mello and Matt.

**LIGHT** Honestly, if L and Near weren't my sworn enemies, I think we would have gotten along well, very well. I can't say the same for Mello though. Who's Matt again?

**MELLO** My… Accomplice. The one that got shot.

**LIGHT** He's pathetic. I mean seriously! Who goes up to a bunch of 20 bodyguards with guns and say "You won't shoot."?

**MELLO **Shut the fuck up, Light Imagay! _(Pulls out gun and points it to Light)_ Shall we see if one person will shoot?

**ZERO** Mello, you can shoot him after the program ends. Anyway, let's take a break before we continue with Ichijo-sempai. _(Tries to hold Mello back as he signs off)_

_Cameras… Mistletoe is playing now…_

**ZERO** It's not even Christmas yet… Welcome back folks!

**MELLO** Now we shall move on to Takuma. So, Takuma, you're the vice-president of the Night Class, and also Kaname's best friend, right?

**TAKUMA** Yes. Well, I am the only one who calls Kaname by his name.

**MELLO** Why is that?

**ZERO** He stayed with Kaname… Or was it the other way round?

**TAKUMA** The other way round…

**MELLO** Right, so Kaname lived with you?

**TAKUMA** After his parents died, Kaname came to live with me. We grew up together. We're close and I don't call Kaname "Kaname-sama".

**LIGHT** Why would anyone even call him that in the first place?

**ZERO** EXACTLY. He doesn't deserve to be called that.

**TAKUMA** Now, now Kiryu-kun, just because Yuki and him are together doesn't mean you don't respect him…

**ZERO** What? Oh god, I can honestly care less about that now.

**MELLO** LIAR.

**ZERO** Did you see what happened in chapter 89? DID YOU?!

**MELLO** Erm… No?

**TAKUMA** What happened?

**ZERO** Yuki erased my memories and Kaname and her slept together.

**MELLO** Ouch.

**TAKUMA** At least she didn't die like Sara-sama did…

**LIGHT** I don't quite understand…

**MELLO** _(ignores Light)_ So, Zero, now what?

**ZERO** Idk what's gonna happen… Why, Hino, why?

**MELLO** No, not that… As in the script… It's with you…

**ZERO** Oh. It says here we'll play a little game. But before that, a short break! _(Poses)_

_Cameras… Random music… Stage changes from talk show setting with couch and table to game show setting with buzzers and stands._

**MELLO** Welcome back! As mentioned before the break, we'll be playing a little game!

**ZERO **The rules of the game are simple. We'll play a Bieber song and Light and Takuma will have to guess it. The person who presses the buzzer first and gives the correct answer gets 10 points. There'll be 5 songs played out of the list of 10 we gave you two to familiarize yourself with during the break.

**LIGHT** I didn't bother listening. Who doesn't know any Bieber songs?

_U Smile starts playing. _

**TAKUMA** Shit… I know this song… It's…

**LIGHT** _(Presses buzzer) _U SMILE!

**TAKUMA** Exactly.

**MELLO** And Light gets 10 points!

_Fa La La starts playing._

**TAKUMA** AH… Eh it's Fa La La!

**LIGHT **_(Presses buzzer)_ Fa La La!

**ZERO **Ouch… Sorry Sempai. You forgot the buzzer. Yagami-san gets 10 points.

**LIGHT** It's over. I win... _(smirk)_

**ZERO**_ (whispers)_ What's with him? It's only question 2!

**MELLO **_(whispers) _He's like that…

_Baby starts playing._

**TAKUMA **_(spams buzzer) BABY!_

**ZERO **Ichijo-sempai gets 10 points!

**LIGHT** Fuck.

**MELLO** Profanities are banned, Light. One more and you're disqualified.

_One Less Lonely Girl starts playing._

**LIGHT** _(presses buzzer) _Loney Girl!

**MELLO** Close but no.

**TAKUMA **_(presses buzzer) _One Less Lonely Girl.

**ZERO **There you go, 10 points for you.

**MELLO** And now… The final round!

_Beauty and a Beat starts playing._

**LIGHT **_(presses buzzer)_Beauty and the Beast!

**ZERO** Erm…

**MELLO** Do you think we're asking you a guess the fairytale question?

**LIGHT** WHAT?

**TAKUMA **_(presses buzzer)_ I believe it's Beauty and a Beat.

_Confetti starts falling and party music starts playing._

_BOSS' screen appears._

**BOSS **Well done Takuma Ichijo!

**LIGHT** NO! THIS IS A SET-UP! ISN'T WEIRD THAT HE WON AND I DIDN'T? THIS PROOVES IT'S A SET-UP! _(Security comes and drags him out)_

**ZERO **Hahaha. Damn. He's such an eyesore.

**MELLO** Tell me about it.

**BOSS **Congratulations Takuma, you have officially won yourself a free lifetime supply of blood tablets!

**MELLO** What?

**ZERO** … Aren't blood tablets… Already free?

**TAKUMA** Thank you very much and thanks for having me!

**MELLO **With that, we come to the end of this week's episode! Be sure to tune in next week, for the Best Friend special with Kaito Takamiya and Matt!

**ZERO** This is Zero Kiryu-

**MELLO** And Mihael Keehl-

**MELLO & ZERO **Signing off!


End file.
